I wrote this ten years ago. It got me thinking it might be worth writing another one now, so here goes.
To my dear nephew.
You’re a man in the eyes of the law. You’re a man in your own eyes as well. But being a man is still new, and there are grasps of childhood that still reach for you. There are those who still look down on you because, as far as they are concerned, you’re not a man yet. In times like that, I’m glad Paul told Timothy not to let anyone despise him because he’s young. My nephew – don’t let anyone despise you because you’re young. And how you do that is largely to hear what they’re saying, process it, dispose of it and carry on in your development.
That’s the key word, though: development. Formal education does a lot of things and, sadly, one of them is to give a bit of a limiting stench of what it means to grow, learn and develop. Now, you’re at a great stage to get rid of the stench and genuinely explore what it means for you to grow, learn and develop. There are tools at your disposal to help you with this. The most important one is your mind.
Explore your mind by asking questions and searching for answers. Explore your mind by doing things that you’ve not done before and reviewing the experience. Explore your mind by reading or watching material that helps you grow in an area of interest for you. Explore your mind by having conversations with interesting people and being open to share and learn.
By this stage of your life, you’ve been conditioned to think and believe a number of things. Well-meaning people with good intentions did that. One thing they don’t know, however, is you. They don’t know you because they are not you. And a lot of the time they don’t have the time or inclination to get to know you. That means you now have a great opportunity to explore and reflect on the things that have conditioned you for so long and stretch out and explore the truth and reality of those things so you can take ownership of them for yourself. That’s one of the great and most challenging things of being a man – being responsible.
Along with taking ownership, you still need to appreciate how you are set up to be interdependent. Life will show you that people are not to be trusted, if it hasn’t done so already. Experience will inform you that people are not inherently good but deeply flawed. Events will take place that will let you know that even those nearest and dearest to you have the greatest capacity of all to cause the greatest hurt. Your own thoughts may veer toward the idea that independence is good and that relying on yourself will help you avoid heartbreak. All of that is totally understandable. Yet the greater truth remains: one of the worst things mankind ever did was pursue independence. It is one of the greatest delusions spouted in society that you’ve got to grow to be your own person, doing your own thing, and be your own boss. Being responsible is not the same as being independent at all.
Growth, development, joy and love emerge from understanding that we were created to be interdependent. That’s a fine juggling act between not being overly dependent and not being overly independent. That’s a great journey of discovering who you can trust and who you can’t trust, the degree to which you can trust, and understanding yourself as well in terms of how deeply flawed you are and how you have that capacity and tendency to blunder.
It is a journey. It’s one to be embraced with gladness and joy, even recognising times of pain and sorrow. It’s far better to embrace the journey with hope, as brighter days lie ahead, because the idea of growth and development is about aspiring for greater things ahead. This is where growing in knowing God is tremendous because knowing you’re created and He knows you more than anyone else also leads to the knowledge that He has the plan for how you’ll turn out. The sort of man you will be that understands what it is to be weak and vulnerable and also what it is to be strong and supportive. The sort of man that has an idea of what he’s pursuing and knows it’s about treating people right in the process, seeing them as of worth in themselves rather than as a means to an end.
I don’t write to you, dear nephew, from any position of authority or superiority over you. I am not life’s expert. I have made mistakes and caused damage and hurt to those I professed to love and care for. I am, however, a beneficiary of the love, kindness, mercy, grace, and wisdom of men throughout my life who have at least pointed me to the Source of love, kindness, mercy, grace, and wisdom needed to be a man.
I don’t write this so that you can avoid the mistakes I made. I have no control over that. You’ve got your own mistakes you’re set to make. I write this to encourage you at this great stage of life. Opportunities are ahead of you. So much to explore, to gain, to become wiser and better from the experience. Because you are very precious to me, and life is also very precious to me, I want you to make the most of life. I want to do all I can to help you with that. There is a very strong desire in me that you turn out better than I do. There is a great passion in me that you can at least hear me and get whatever good you can from it and maximise these precious few moments we have left.
I write because I love your mother, my great sister, who has been so brilliant to me. I write because I love your father, who has honoured and blessed me incredibly in being the head of your household. I write because of my father, who loved me in his example of diligent and faithful manhood, which I hope you inherit. I write because of my brother, the greatest man I know, who has definitely inherited what it means to be diligent and faithful and much more, and who is gifted by God to express that in a pursuit of truth, justice, and wisdom.
I write, dear nephew, because I want to contribute to the great context you find yourself in, to be surrounded by these folks and others. I write because I love you a lot and am grateful to God for knowing you and calling you family.
Love you much, my young man.
For His Name’s Sake
C. L. J. Dryden
Shalom
