Whose Expectations?

An inferiority complex can be a really debilitating condition.

My recollection of developing and dwelling with an inferiority complex was that it involved two key factors. One is how I viewed myself. Another is how I viewed the expectations of others.

On that score the issue began with the value I placed on other people’s expectations. I placed too high a value on the expectations of others. Add that to a wrong view of myself and it’s no wonder I was never good enough. I was certainly not as good as you. After all I could never live up to your expectations in what it is to be a man, a husband, a father, a member of the church, a work colleague. There would always be something I did that annoyed, or something I didn’t do that you expected and even what I did wasn’t quite good enough … for you.

What also helps with this situation, is that you don’t really have to say much. It doesn’t have to be true at all. I just need to invest my belief based on my perception of previous failings to assume that this would be the case again.

It’s not healthy. It’s not helpful. It certainly isn’t anything close to holy. But there it is.

Like Keith Green sang, it was only when the love of God broke through that I could see how blind I was in my own deluded condition. When His love broke through I could see clearly that indeed the only expectations that mattered were the ones from a heavenly, helpful and holy God. That however, could only be properly received when I acknowledged it was no longer about how I saw things. I needed an eye test and to see by faith was the key.

Once that is done, however, the question of whose expectations I choose to meet begins to have tricky consequences. For example, a reassuring thing about someone with an inferiority complex is that they won’t upset anyone or anything. The way things go in the home, at work and in church life can tick along merrily away because there will be no objection. However, when God’s light turns on, not only are there areas that need personal attention, there are implications for the wider relationships. Meeting God’s expectations does not stop you being the submissive type in relationships, it just means your first point of submission is to God. Everyone else is submitted to in the light of this submission. You are not a troublemaker, but neither are you willing to accept that which doesn’t fall in line with submitting to God.

That obviously can rub people up the wrong way. Even though you’re not the confrontational type, it will still inevitably reach a point where there has to be some awkward and uncomfortable conversations.

That’s why it’s reassuring to know that when you’re engaging with people who acknowledge Jesus, even those tough parts can at least be talked through. As you endeavour to live up to God’s expectations and seek to do His will, it is only by His Spirit that you’re able to wisely negotiate those tricky times. It’s not that people will understand, appreciate or accept.

It is to know that because of the relationship with God, where His grace poured out in your heart knows that above all things, you belong to Him and are ever enveloped in His love.

For His Name’s Sake

Shalom

C. L. J. Dryden