Mutual Submission: First Place

It was not that long ago that I invited you to imagine.

No, I didn’t invite you to imagine like some other fella did. I invited you to imagine the basis of relationships being built on mutual submission. Where I left off was with a promise to put some meat on the bone of what that looks like.

As I mentioned in referring to Paul’s invitation to mutual submission in Ephesians 5:21, that verse plays a bridge-building role. It bridges general comments to the family of Christ, before addressing specific applications to actual family relations and other social interactions.

The first point Paul refers to is the first place we should see mutual submission – in marriage.

Imagine marriages based on mutual submission. For some, that takes quite a lot of imagination. Experience has seen a number of relationships where the husband and the wife have gone into it with a lot of desires but mutual submission has not been one of them.  That is to say, if you asked a bloke what he looked for in a woman, he wouldn’t necessarily reply he’s looking for someone to whom he can serve sacrificially as Christ served the church. It is certainly not up there with the number one biggest factors in what leads people to marry.

Key factors that are often emphasised are about what he must have and she must have – rather than the attitude that you will have towards the other person.

I have been privileged to see the ethos of mutual submission in operation in action primarily through my parents. They certainly were devoting their lives to making sure their children had the best start in life. Within that however, there was a clear way in which my Mum looked out for my Dad’s best interests and gave him the space to do what he needed to do. Likewise my Dad served my Mum, particularly as we got older in terms of encouraging her to do some things that she had only thought about.  Knowing she had my Dad’s support was a big factor in my Mum feeling free to spread her wings and fly in things like catering and one or two other business ventures.

My parents were committed to serving each other and allowing the other to become all that they could be. As a result their relationship remained strong through a number of outside attacks on both of them. I used to wonder how they could stay together having endured so many hits, sometimes to my Mum’s character, sometimes to my Dad’s. It would have been easy for the frustration to drive a wedge between them. Their love of God, however, reminded them of their commitment to the Other First rather than a Me First approach.

I didn’t appreciate it at the time. I took it for granted to a large degree. It was when I left home and got to observe how other marriages worked that I began to see how critical the Other First thinking was to successful marriages. Sadly I witnessed a number of marriages fail for a variety of reasons. It didn’t make me judgmental about those relationships, it reinforced the importance on focusing on Christ and His grace to sustain marriages.

When it came to my own marriage, I certainly learnt the hard way that it was about an approach of genuine mutual submission. That was about putting my wife first, learning what it is to love according to who she is, being sensitive to her needs and also giving her the space to blossom and grow in atmosphere of support, encouragement and trust.

The key, however, is not reaching the destination – I am nowhere near reaching the destination in practising this. Thank God, though, there are still good examples around me to see how they do what they do and look to God to help me apply what He shows us.

This is the first place to witness the benefits of mutual submission, but it’s certainly not meant to be the last place …

For His Name’s Sake

Shalom

C. L. J. Dryden