It’s that time of year again when I prayfully reflect on the precious gift of marriage. On this occasion, with the time coinciding with the actual day that the private was confirmed publicly, it seemed right to share some of my reflections.
1. Love Her
It might seem as though it gets easier after a period of time, but choosing sacrificial love daily, modelling Christ’s love for the church through selfless actions and words, remains the most challenging and important part of married life. What becomes more evident and what draws me to depend on God more is that this sacrificial love is not based on feelings but on a deliberate choice to seek her good above my own.
2. Honour Her
By treating her as a precious gift from God, showing respect in public and private that reflects her value as an image-bearer. Learning how to honour her has meant learning how to treat her with the dignity and respect due to a fellow heir of God’s grace. This includes speaking respectfully, avoiding cutting remarks, and demonstrating chivalry and courtesy. It’s not always done, but it’s the standard I aspire to.
3. Lead Her
There is a very fascinating story about how this has developed over the years, but I am grateful that this is an area that I’ve submitted to and am in a better place now than I was in those early years. This has come about through cultivating a Christ-like servant leadership that guides her toward God’s purposes through humble example and spiritual direction. This means taking primary responsibility to lead the partnership in a God-glorifying direction. It was not always present, but it’s a responsibility that means more to me now than ever before.
4. Protect Her
Having a wife who is a warrior and used to engaging in all kinds of battles might give the impression that this isn’t as important. However, the reality remains that safeguarding her physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being while creating a secure environment where she can flourish is pivotal. Protection goes beyond physical safety to include her emotional and spiritual well-being. By God’s grace, this is an area I’ve taken more and more seriously, and it has helped shape my thoughts on how to ward off anything that prevents my wife’s flourishing.
5. Support Her
One of the areas in which my Dad influenced me as a husband was how he supported my Mum. As a result, I knew that by being her strongest advocate and encourager, it would provide the foundation she needed to pursue God’s calling on her life. Supporting means being an accountability partner who helps her grow more like Christ. This includes encouraging her gifts, dreams, and spiritual development while providing practical assistance. That’s been one of the delights of marrying such a remarkable woman.
6. Cherish Her
It’s not enough to honour and respect my wife; I know there’s an element of treasuring her as God’s precious gift, expressing appreciation and affection that reflects how Christ values His bride. Cherishing involves treating her as a valuable jewel rather than taking her for granted. I acknowledge there have been times when I did take her for granted, and on recognising that, the repentance process was all about a renewed vision of her beauty. This means continuing to grow in making her feel valued and treasured.
7. Understand Her
One of a husband’s greatest accomplishments is genuinely understanding his wife. This is not a straightforward process at all. It involves ongoing study of her heart, needs, and perspectives with the same diligence Christ shows in knowing His people intimately. Understanding requires intentional effort to know her deeply—her fears, dreams, and unique design. This knowledge enables more effective love and care. It helps me remain humble in my interactions with my wife because there’s never a time when I can pretend to have accomplished total understanding of my wife. It also, however, makes the voyage of knowing and understanding enjoyable, especially in those episodes where everything comes together.
8. Challenge Her
Growth doesn’t tend to happen naturally and easily. There are things that I know can happen when I grow, and it’s usually in the light of godly challenge. It is a responsibility I take seriously to encourage my wife’s spiritual growth and call her to higher standards in following Jesus, while providing the support to achieve them. Godly challenge means spurring one another toward love and good deeds. This involves accountability that helps my wife become more Christ-like.
9. Serve Her
As Christ washed feet, meeting practical needs with humility and joy as acts of worship. That was not always evident in the early years of marriage. It was certainly my wife’s heart’s cry. Service reflects the sacrificial nature of Christ’s love for the church. Over the years, there was a natural correlation between love for Jesus and a willingness to express that degree of service to my wife. It came across at times that she could measure the seriousness that I took with Jesus by how I’d selflessly interact with her, desiring to see her served.
10. Forgive Her
Our married life has continued over the length of time because of the spirit of forgiveness practised by both of us. Extending grace quickly and completely, modelling God’s forgiveness and creating space for growth and restoration. Our marriage requires constant forgiveness, just as God in Christ forgave us. Quick forgiveness and grace have shown to transform our marriage through Christ’s redemptive power.
The Foundation: Christ-Centred Marriage
The marriage has not been smooth and easy. Many episodes and incidents highlight the challenge of a godly marriage. The Holy Spirit and the desire to please Jesus in serving God have enabled the marriage to be sustained and developed over the years.
All these reflections flow from making Christ the centre of our marriage. As we grow closer to God, we inevitably draw closer to each other, creating the three-stranded cord that cannot easily be broken. The goal continues to be honouring God through our relationship, allowing the marriage to become a blessing to others as we continue to journey.
For His Name’s Sake
C. L. J. Dryden
Shalom
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