For a while she had a problem.
Her problem was that in as much as we were married, it felt like something that was real in name only. She lived with him. They slept in the same bed together. Occasionally they even talked. For all of that, though, she felt like he was still looking to live a single person’s life whilst claiming to be married. It was frustrating her and every time she tried to talk to him about it, he made an excuse to brush it off and not take the matter seriously.
She believed God, though. She believed God for the man she married. She believed God for the success and fruit of the marriage. God had been faithful to them in granting her womb the opportunity to produce two daughters to that point, but that didn’t help matters. In fact to a large degree she felt her husband was using that as more of an excuse to do his own thing whilst leaving her to do most of the juggling of family life as well as a full-time paid job of her own. It was tough as well, because she could see he had potential, she knew he had talent.
If only he appreciated what this marriage was about.
For a while, he had a problem.
His problem was that in as much as he knew the marriage was the right thing and he certainly loved his wife, he didn’t think she appreciated him. He felt her way of engaging with him didn’t show him enough respect. With her personality as he viewed it, he didn’t think it was worth talking about the matter. He’d heard her before when he was looking to do something always refer to his failings of the past, as though they were all she had to go by where he was concerned.
The best way of dealing with things was just keeping it to himself and endeavouring to crack on the best way that he could. It was as though he felt he could make progress, but he didn’t see how she contributed to that, or if she really wanted that, or if she really believed in him. He believed in God for her though. Whatever he wanted to do in his life, he was very sure that he believed in God for her abilities to blossom and flourish in ways not just about the raising of children and cultivation of the home – fundamental as that was. One of the reasons he married her, was because of just how incredible he thought she was in Christ and how much there was in her.
If only she appreciated what this marriage was about.
Something happened along the way that meant their pent up frustrations could not last out. Effective communication and development together could not truly grow until they were open to each other. God, in His kindness, brought them together. Gave them a chance to be honest with each other. Really listen to each other as though it was just about what was important to the other person, rather than their own hang-ups.
Over time, they learnt and understood. Over quality time in each other’s company, they saw further how they genuinely could work together. How he could involve her intentionally and intimately a lot more into what he wanted and what he was doing. How she could appreciate and respect him a bit more.
The outcome of that included the blessing of a third daughter to their union and they celebrated the blessing by naming this child after the life of God. Even as it was His life that helped them overcome their pride and submit to each other as they did to Christ. That life helped them work together in crucial decisions for the direction of their family. That life helped them work together in crucial decisions as far as their lives together were concerned.
On this date, 18 years ago, we began the journey. That journey is not over. There is still much to learn and go through together. There is still so much to fulfil together. I am grateful to God for the people He has placed around us to help us do what it takes to really appreciate what God had in mind in this union.
The problems are not over, but the trust in God is better than it has been. The grace of God is prominent when I look into the eyes of the most beautiful woman in the world and the three daughters she birthed and nurtured.
In the journey God has called me to, there is no getting away from the reality that it was not designed to be one that I do on my own. There were times when I thought I could make it and just crack on and do my own thing. Thank God for repentance. Thank God for His wisdom and thank God that when it comes to it, I am glad my beloved wife is with me on the journey.
(Photo by Sir Manuel on Unsplash)
(Christopher and Authrined Dryden 2021 Photo courtesy of Kassy Lewis)
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
C. L. J. Dryden
Life With CD 