“You wouldn’t know. You haven’t gone through what I’ve gone through.”
When that’s said, it’s usually shutting the door on a conversation and probably a relationship.
Empathy is a powerful tool to be able to employ. If you know what it’s like, because you’ve been through the same thing or something very similar, it’s a great way to connect with someone.
Yet, in a real way an individual’s experience of what happens to them is uniquely their own. Two people can go through the same experience and emerge with different memories and feelings to the extent that when they’re called to help someone else with the same issue, their approach will be very different.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
Romans 12:15
The quality of the community of believers is not so much the ability to empathise, more the ability to recognise what someone is going through as expressed in emotions of tremendous sadness or tremendous join and being sensitive of that they seek to come alongside that individual in that state.
You don’t have to wait to lose a loved one to come alongside someone who is weeping because of the loss and weep. You can see the tears, you can come alongside them and cry. Not cry out of obligation, but because of your desire to come alongside and feel with someone, not just feel for them.
Why is this important? It’s crucial because when we’re going through the rough times, the sad times, the challenging times, it’s assuring to know that we don’t have to go through them on our own. In fact enduring things and getting through things on your own doesn’t necessarily develop you in the best way for relationships. Whereas enduring the variety that life presents with othes who will take the time and energy to feel alongside you strengthens relationships and reinforces what God means when He promises His presence.
They did not know what I was going through. They could not really understand either. How could they understand. They were not feeling what I was feeling. Yet they were there for me. They extended their had to me and wept by my side. They saw my head bowed low and duly bowed their head only ever looking up to see if I needed anything. They did not open their mouth and start offering well-meaning platitudes as thought that’s what I needed to hear. They patiently waited for me and shared in my sadness.
It was no surprise, then, that, later on, when I was jubilant at some significant developments in my life they were the first people I went to and they were the ones that celebrated with me. I knew they were with me, because they celebrated as though they had won it, such was the sense of companionship. They celebrated like that, whilst still only too mindful of who the honour was received by.
What’s happeneing with this is a reminder of how we are connected. We’re a part of the same Body. When one part of the Body is hurt, it’s natural for the rest of the Body to feel it and be eager to attend to it. Similarly great developments in one area is not to limited to one area – the euphoria is felt throughout the Body.
This gives an indication of why that might be a real experience for believers. There can be that sense of not feeling a part of the Body. It’s easy to talk on the surface and keep things superficial, but that depth of feeling can be missing. It’s especially easy to hide yourself in the busyness of life and claim not to have the time for that connection and that relation. That’s where feeling pity for someone or light-hearted happiness for someone is a lot easier to do than genuinely coming alongside the other.
This is why this mark is among others that defines what it is to be a believer at something far deeper than the surface. It goes beyond the surface because the life in us is the life of Christ Himself. Jesus who knew what it was to rejoice with those rejoiced. Who experienced what it was to weep with those who wept. Jesus who did not keep at a distance from those He was called to be with, but got close and developed a relationship that let His loved ones know that He loved them at a far more deep and meaningful level than a casual passing sentiment.
It becomes the hallmark of the follower of Christ, to express that degree of sensitivity – one that sees them respect and consider the plight of the other rather than themselves. that desire to seek to understand and respond in order does wonders to relationshisps.
It also contributes to the effort to keep the door open in those relationships where people might want to close them down because of someone not going through what they’re going through.
This is a mark of a true Christian in true Christian community.
(This blog series was inspired by the Christian meditation on The Marks of a True Christian from the Encounter podcast.)
(Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash)
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
C. L. J. Dryden
Life With CD 