The Marks: 03 Brotherly Affection

There are different kinds of love. One of them that is not often pursued – but is actively encouraged – is the kind of love that marks out siblings.

If we look in scripture for expressions of this sibling love, we might struggle initially. Cain and Abel were not the best reference points for this. Later on Esau and Jacob were not the models to follow neither were Joseph and his brothers. Those were great examples of sibling rivalry, but not the type of brotherly love that Paul saw as a trait of followers of Jesus.

Indeed, initially even the brothers of Jesus did not display what Jesus sought for as they mocked and ridiculed His activities for a while.

So where are we to go to get a glimpse of the kind of affection Paul had in mind?

We go to Jesus. We see the level of affection He shared with the twelve that He chose to be with Him. The level of disclosure He shared with the three who got to see intimate aspects of His life like His transfiguration. The twelve that were with Him were not kept at arms length. They were treated like His family, because to Him they were.

We see that in the sibling affinity that resided in His relationship with Lazarus, Martha and Mary. Here were three people that welcomed Him every time He popped over to Bethany. The relationships between them was so close and loving that it came as a surprise to many that Jesus didn’t rush in to help when Lazarus fell sick. Though it was no surprise that this household embraced Jesus when He used the death of Lazarus as an opportunity to reveal Himself as the Resurrection and the Life and prove it in returning life to the dead Lazarus after four days entombed. It is no surprise that the household were keen to host Jesus when He reached the latter days of His time before His crucifixion.

There are other examples of expressions of brotherly affection in scripture, but key descriptions of this affection is a close affinity to the ther that desires to see the best for them. Where sometimes expressions of love are expressed as decisions of the will and are not rooted in emotions as a driver – when it comes to brotherly affections the emotions play a pivotal part. The recipient of the love is family. The recipient of the affection is precious. There is a lot shared that connects them, none greater than a sense of the family identity. sharing that is not shrugged off as nominal – it’s embraced as something of great importance that defines interactions with all those who share it.

Often there is a sentiment that blood is thicker than water to suggest that sharing parentage or other family traits means connections should be stronger on that basis. Brotherly affection, however, is about something that goes beyond sharing a name. This kind of brotherly affections elicits the range of emotions as those we share that affection with go through the issues of life. When the brother succeeds, there is shared joy. When the sister grieves, there is shared sadness.

Brotherly affection is such a pivotal part of what defines the community of grace that it is supposed to be perpetual. So it’s worth exploring some of the barriers that prevent that.

Pride – it’s difficult to have the concerns of another high in your priorities when you’re more concerned about yourself. That seeps into relations with others when there’s a lot more concern with what they think of you as well as what you think of yourself than there is about the issue of the well-being of the other. This comes up at times when offence is taken. The hurt can lead to an individual seeking to close off from the other to ‘protect myself’ at the cost of the power to be experienced in restoring that essential brotherly love.

Fear – brotherly affection is fine for people as long as it doesn’t cost too much in the way of becoming vulnerable, transparent and humble. When it becomes apparent that the best expressions of brotherly affection can often cost a degree of humility, transparency and vulnerability, the state of being weak and flawed becomes a source of concern. Especially when added to hurtful experiences of the past, fear can be a big wedge that prevents the best expresion of brotherly love.

Apathy – it is easy to get caught up in a cycle of activity based on loving things and using people as opposed to loving people and using things. From sports to consumerism there are plenty of activities and pursuit of tangible and intangible things that can make investing effort in caring for someone else seem like too much effort. Why bother investing energy and passion in caring for someone when you can put it into your football team or your video games or your shoes collection or your property portfolio. It doesn’t blatantly say people are unimportant – indeed people are the means to those ends. Beyond that, though it doesn’t take into account much beyond that. You could think that this has little bearing among saints of the livng God. The truth is, though, that church activities and projects can easily be used as a barriers to prevent true affection taking place. ‘Serving others’ can be the shield used to not have to actually take time out to care for those you serve. It sounds bizarre, but it’s the same compartmentalising that we use to justify churches that are hot on issues and teachings, but cold on relationships.

When we look at Jesus and His relationships and as we see His impact on the early church and their efforts at relationships as motivated by the Holy Spirit, brotherly affection emerges as a key quality. The quality that marked out the saints from others. This quality could mark out peoples from different backgrounds bonding and connecting together because of the love of Jesus.

It is that example of Jesus that is the key to finding the strength, focus and wisdom needed to express the outstanding quality of brotherly affection that is a mark of the true Christian.

(This blog series was inspired by the Christian meditation on The Marks of a True Christian from the Encounter podcast.)

(Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash)

For His Name’s Sake

Shalom

C. L. J. Dryden