Some have viewed humility as a rather odd characteristic to have.
It is odd enough for people to refer to it in a bid to appear relatable whilst exhibiting behaviour that does not appear that humble at all.
This also reveals that there is something important to know about understanding what humility is and how it’s expressed and why it is such a key attribute to healthy relationships.
Humility and being humble starts and ends on a honest self-assessment. That self-assessment also includes a commitment to not being self-absorbed. In the self-assessment is an acknowledgement of capability. Humility says that I am capable … of good and evil. That mixture does not make me anything special or anything to be derided and dismissed. It’s particularly the capability of evil that prevents me from putting too much faith in myself. It’s that capability to delude myself into thinking that I cannot be wrong or that everything I do is great, that tempers selfish ambition.
This honest self-assessment as a result also means I know that I’m need of help. I cannot do everything on my own, because not everything I do will be good. There’s something in there as well that celebrates the good and prefers that to the alternative.
What makes humility such a crucial element in relationships is what it does when tensions rise.
Consider this scenario:
She said something I took offence to. It might not even have been what she said, it’s how she said it. With the day I’ve had, what she just said and the way she said has just about tipped me over. I’m not going to stand for this. She’s not going to get away with this and so I’m going to give her a piece of my mind …
Here are some things to consider – she might well have said something wrong. The way she said it could have been wrong as well. You might very well have had a tough day having to deal with other challenging relational exchanges … Yet as soon as the response to the situation is get upset, get angry and unleash – and we know there are a variety of ways of unleashing – any sense of humility flies straight out of the window as the boiling rage threatens to bubble over into aggravating matters.
This is why sometimes it pays not to react from the cauldron of steaming emotions of the moment. In doing so that degree of self-absorption takes over and everything is justified in the desire to impose that sense of grievance at being offended.
Humility does not downplay any sense of hurt and offence in the situation. Humility full well acknowledges those feelings and others. However there is then the desire to pursue what makes for what’s right. After all, even if the words were wrong and offensive, does the other party really want to do that? Is it the intention of the other party to damage the relationship? If the relationship matters, humility looks to the welfare of the other before vaunting whatever is going on in the self.
This is what makes humility so endearing and so difficult. Seeking to understand the other before ever embarking to be understood is tough work. But it is worth it to at least establish a good sense of understanding.
Relationships based on humility are not ones that never have tensions. They’re not even ones that never have arguments. They are ones, however, that revert to that honest self-assessment and the desire for the good to be expressed in the relationship. That desire for the good is about what’s good for the other. Even if it requires a degree of self-sacrifice to achieve that.
Thriving relationships have that element of humility underpinning them. That humility and that self-assessment is informed by what our Creator informs us about us. The vertical that informs the personal inspires the horizontal.
It’s why humility is such a much valued quality for relationships.
(Photo by Ben White on Unsplash)
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
C. L. J. Dryden
Life With CD 