This part of the journey, as you might have guessed, follows the first part and the second part and it’s worth clicking the links to see where the journey has come to this point.
We celebrated our wedding anniversary recently. We used the time to reflect on God’s goodness to us in our life together. Reflecting on it brought up some remarkable aspects of the process of detaching and attaching.
We read the Genesis account of God presenting the woman to the man and his expression of delight and the marking of the occasion with commentary on how marriages are about man leaving their parents to cleave to their wife. Reading it and experiencing it are certainly two different things.
The challenge is not so much on the leaving. The challenging aspect is the cleaving.
Yes, there are lovely moments of bliss in the early days. The excitement of being together, at last, the relief of the great day finally accomplished and now life together, enjoying each other, knowing each other as Adam knew Eve. There are heights of delight in elements of the cleaving. Yet becoming one is a work of God because it is about the process of attaching to the wife. Detaching from the parents is to leave that life behind where you were a dependent and a solo actor. Leaving that behind to attach is a challenge when the cost of the attachment begins to be paid.
It was good getting to know her before the cost of the attachment came in. It was great listening to her before the cost of the attachment kicked in. As soon as it did kick in and the new had to be negotiated where life wasn’t about me anymore was not something I got into smoothly. In fact, for a while, there was resistance on my part to paying those costs of attachment.
The arrangement of attachment comes at a cost and that cost requires genuine self-denial. Not only is self-denial required, it has to be exercised by will and is not dependent on what is received in return. The cost of attachment is to maintain the desire to serve and honour and love in all weathers. It’s great when the sun is shining, but when the storm rages being the umbrella for her to be a shelter from the rain is not something that I know how to do – however much I witnessed my Dad doing that in his way.
When the storms hit, the natural desire is to find shelter for myself first. To tend to my own well-being first. Whereas the cost of attachment had to be more about seeking to understand before looking to be understood and accepting that sometimes being understood will never happen.
As much as marriage had its benefits, the depth of its riches were to be found in the commitment to attach, to cleave, to partner with God in His grand work of union. That work of union required self-denial for the building of the other person. Getting insight into what Jesus does for the church, by doing this voluntarily and with joy for this woman. Getting insight into how much God loved Israel through the scripture, by partaking in love because you choose to love, not because of rewards or demands for anything back.
The cost of attachment was great … and the size of that cost at one point became too much for me. Maybe I’d made a mistake. Maybe I didn’t know what I was doing. Maybe this woman deserved better than me. Maybe I wanted something other than this.
How on earth could I possibly get on board with this true attachment business?
(To be concluded)
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
C. L. J. Dryden
Life With CD 