Every culture, every generation, every person has an opportunity to enjoy freedom.
The freedom to do whatever you want to do, sounds really appealing on the surface. That element of not having to be pigeon-holed by others or not having to take on what other people say you should be certainly helps you avoid being subject to those people. The issue about ‘whatever you want’ is what informs and defines that ‘want’.
I was conversing with a good friend of mine. He was outlining some of the angst he had in his marriage. It was suffocating him. He felt obliged to stick around for the children, but the relationship between him and his wife was strained to say the least. This was chiefly because his wife was good at making demands but not so quick to be sensitive to any of his needs. She would enter into various moods whenever she felt she wasn’t getting her way, but was oblivious to the strain her ongoing nagging, complaining and mood shifts were having on him. He was getting to his wits end.
Understandably in that situation, his idea of freedom was to be free to do what he wants and no longer feel under the burden and strain of his wife. He wanted to love her, but if that was getting to be unsustainable, if he just couldn’t do it anymore because she seemed to be draining him rather than supporting him from time to time, what was the point?
I listened to my friend with a heavy heart. I know my friend is really keen to remain faithful to his wife for her and for their children. I can feel the pain he’s going through and what makes it all the harder is that she really is oblivious to what’s going on despite his best efforts to communicate with her. The marriage that he thought would be liberating and full of joy is becoming a drudgery not far from servitude.
He’s had advice from others that perhaps he should consider other options. Those options are very appealing indeed. He believes things can end amicably between him and his wife. He feels there can be a sense liberty experienced if he’s no longer under those suffocating circumstances. He wouldn’t neglect the welfare of his children at all and would continue to support them with all his heart, soul and body. He was stifled. He just needed to be free.
There were some of my Christian friends who went into a sort of stringent line that there was no way he could leave his wife. They were all about a kind of approach to things that was just about bearing the burden. They talked past him to duty as though that was all he was ther eto do, just do his duty and if his heart died in the process and he became a shell of himself, then that would be the cost he’d have to pay to just do his duty.
Unsurprisingly, my friend was not convinced by this line of reasoning. In fact he was made even more sad because he felt that these Christians were not really listening to him. They were quoting occasional verses from here and there, but they didn’t make much sense to him and when he asked, they just referred back to the line on duty. It was tough for him. He didn’t feel understood by his wife and now these well meaning folks from the church were likewise completely misunderstanding him.
He didn’t feel there was any other solution than by doing that which would make him feel free. He called me to say that he would not be able to take it much further, he couldn’t face this struggle any longer, he had to do something to break free.
What do you say in a situation like that?
(Photo by Kaley Dykstra on Unsplash)
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
C. L. J. Dryden
Life With CD 