Recently I had another profound appreciation that in the depths of my low feelings brighter shines the light.
I don’t recognise it all the time. The lows I get sometimes can really be debilitating. It can be a struggle to pray or to engage meaningfully even with my dearest and dearest. There are certain symptoms and triggers that are familiar, but sometimes it can come from seemingly nowhere. I’ll be in the comfort of my own setting and a thought will strike that unsettles me. Before long I feel disoriented and it’s automatic settings that gets me to do daily chores, but inside I’m lost.
Falling ever deeper into the sea of fears and doubts, old habits that dragged me down reach to bring me back under. Darkness descends and helplessness shrouds me, maybe they were right all along and I’m a fraud and all of this is just a joke. How can my children ever look to me in this condition, how can my wife bear to live with me in all of this mess? Maybe I will amount to nothing and maybe the hope of caring and compassionate community is an illusion.
The beauty of the light of Christ shines brighter in these circumstances. He reminds me that what surrounds me is not the reality. He reminds me that often being so self-absorbed takes my vision from what really matters. He reminds me that though my issues were deep and the depravity was great, His grace is greater and His Spirit has the power to let me live above this. Live His life in the here and now, dependent on Him for everything and thankful for the mercies that sustain me and those I love from day to day.
The problems do not disappear, the challenges don’t ease, but the light shines brighter.
I am grateful for the light. I know I need it more than ever.
(Photo by Jenny Huang on Unsplash)
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
C. L. J. Dryden
Life With CD 