No Turning Back

If only she didn’t turn back.

The instructions were clear. We were told to leave. Leave as soon as possible because there was a major development taking place in the city and if we stayed we would be swept up in it and would not survive.

I was very clear to my daughters and my wife. We had to go and go there and then. My two darling daughters wanted their boyfriends to come. I didn’t have a problem if their husbands-to-be wanted to come along, but when we told them about the urgency to go, they laughed us to scorn.

Why would they leave their home? Why would they leave what’s been good to them? Just because a foreigner is making some wild claim of some impending disaster? Nah.

It was sad to see. I didn’t have the time or inclination to let my girls know that these men weren’t worth their time, anyway. It was probably part of the reason why we had to leave. I couldn’t allow that sadness to stop us and to their credit, my daughters made the tough decision to stick with my heartfelt insistence that we had to leave. It was tough especially for the youngest. I could see her tears as she put things together.

Tough as it was for the two girls, my wife seemed to be the slowest ones to get things sorted. She lingered on objects that couldn’t be carried. They had sentimental value, she told me. One item was brought by her neighbour when we first arrived. The other object was a bargain she got when she was out shopping with her friend and she nearly broke it getting it back home. Everything for her was an attachment to the city, to the people, it was home. She couldn’t just leave it all behind.

Maybe I was too harsh on her, but we didn’t have time to waste. We had our instructions, she heard the warning with me and saw the clear demonstration that this would be the case. And yet …

When we were good to go, I ushered them out of the house before doing one more sweep of the place to ensure all the essentials were with us. She wanted to go back again, but I dragged her away, I knew she was stalling for time as though something would change.

How we made it from the home to the city limits is a miracle. So many people laughing at us as we were going. Some wanted to get aggressive, but it was as though when they approached something would distract them, or they would think again. The guides who had told us about things, were waiting for us at the edge of the city.

“Remember, focus straight ahead and keep going and whatever you do, don’t look back.”

To help us keep going, I lead from the back, barking at them constantly to keep going. The two girls eventually got into a routine of talking to themselves. I know they were moaning about what they were leaving behind, but they kept going ahead. It was my wife that continued to be the one who was dragging and eventually I got so sick of her groaning that I insisted that she walk ahead of the girls.

When we heard the first bolts and explosions it scared us all. I did my best to keep us moving forward. Hearing that seemed to spur the girls on ahead even more and they were telling their mother to keep going as well and move faster just in case. She seemed to pay attention at first.

As the explosions and fiery showers became all the more incessant, I felt sad for what I left behind but also a great deal of thankfulness. That could have been me. It could have been my dear wife and daughters. Mercy had spared us, I thought. We would start again and use these sobering lessons to ensure whatever neighbourhood we found ourselves in next would not meet the same fate.

I was caught up in those thoughts when I heard my wife sob loudly. My daughters pleaded with her to keep moving, but she stumbled onto her knees. She wailed and moaned and despite our best efforts she turned around to look at what was behind us.

Was it the shock? Was it the horror? Was it the elements? I don’t know.  The rest of us just stared ahead at her as the effects took their strange and debilitating effect on her. She wouldn’t be going anywhere. Right there and then, the love of my life that I had spent over half of my life with was gone.

It was my turn to wail. My two daughters were beside themselves as well, but they later told me, they had never seen me so distraught. It was only as we felt the heat that we were able to resume our trek. We left her behind in that condition. We had to leave my darling wife behind, all because her attachment to what we were leaving was stronger than even the love of her family. What she was leaving was more important than what she was going to and it ended us as a marriage and our family.

I don’t know how long it took me to get over that. I know I made some really disastrous decisions after that. I couldn’t even engage properly with girls for the longest time. I looked for solace in the deceptive nature of liquor. Sipping away seemed to pass the time and the memories wouldn’t be so tough.

If only she didn’t turn back.

For His Name’s Sake

Shalom

C. L. J. Dryden