There was a time in my life when I did what I wanted to do in as much as resources allowed it.
What makes the statement a little odd, is that I was doing that whilst making the claim to be a follower of Jesus. So I would verbally affirm Jesus doing the leading, but more often than not I still preferred taking charge of the situation. I was recently reminded that the word used to describe that state of affairs is ‘hypocrisy’.
I gotta confess though, that was predominantly the case. I liked the idea of following Jesus and if I got in trouble I liked the thought of Him rescuing me, so that was good. Otherwise, however, He didn’t really have to be in charge that much, I could cover the other stuff myself without too much hassle. I had it under control … until I didn’t have it under control, then I would need Him to help me out, until I could feel like I had it under control again.
What that often meant was a lacklustre life of being unfulfilled and frustrated even under the guise of being in control and doing my own thing. You might think that things changed for the better when I got married, had children and learned how to be responsible. You would think wrong. Marriage and children only heightened the desire to be in control and take the lead exactly because it felt more and more that others were demanding that place.
Thank God for the grace, mercy and patience of Jesus.
It’s when this dunderheaded thinking finally crashed against the walls of failure that in picking me up, Jesus taught me the value of Him doing the leading. The value was not found in whatever goodies might come along the way, it was the true value of seeing His immeasurable worth as the one who is the King of Glory. The true value of who He is beyond words and sentiments. The true value of how he perfectly personifies love. The true value of how He is life and without Him everything else really is vanity.
His constant invitations to grow deeper in this acknowledgement of Him is the basis for me learning the folly of looking to do the leading myself.
By faith, over time, by His grace, I am learning the joy in allowing Him to do the leading.
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
C. L. J. Dryden
Life With CD 