Am I Jealous?

Jealousy is such a strange feeling.

In my upbringing I never saw my parents jealous. They didn’t need to be jealous of each other, their relationship appeared rock solid. They were not jealous of others, they didn’t talk about others in that way, they embodied contentment with their lot, especially my Dad.

My sister didn’t need to be jealous, either. As the firstborn, she had it made with my parents, as the only daughter she also cruised on the exclusivity of her own space.

Overall my family experience did not require jealousy. Then along came my brother.

David is still younger than me. After all these years that fact has not changed. If anyone should have been jealous of the other, he should have been jealous of me. I am the older and firstborn son, I am the Mum’s favourite, David wasn’t anyone’s favourite and had to live off my hand-me-downs for a while. So surely he should have been jealous of me. Surely!!

I was the talker, the first to leave home and go to university, the first to leave home proper and set up elsewhere, the first to get married, the first to have a child!! I write, teach and do other stuff!! Dude, so many reasons for the man to be jealous of his older brother!

Yet David evidently didn’t get the memo. Funnily enough that ended up with me!

Despite the 217 reasons why David should have been jealous of his older brother, as it worked out, I became jealous of him. Let me state, though, when I say jealous, I don’t mean full blown Joseph in the Bible style jealousy that lead me to want to kill David – after all, he never ended up with a cool multicoloured jacket. (To the best of my knowledge.) Yet there was so much to be jealous about David. He had girlfriends before I did because he’s better looking. He had a great friend when I didn’t. I remember being jealous to such a degree I wanted to have his friend for myself. What made it worse was David was happy to share his friend because he was secure and I never ended up getting my way, anyway. David turned out to be super talented musically and intellectually. Able to express himself in song he crafted many musical masterpieces which he was able to express vocally and through his gift with musical instruments.

Committed to the pursuit of truth, he would even walk away from the faith of his father because of the conviction of his own exploration for the truth and deeply explore that and its ramifications. Like his Dad, my brother emerged as a man of great humility and integrity.

So there’s a lot for me to be jealous about him and for a time I was. Yet even that has proven to be futile. The only person losing in all that was me. I missed enjoying it for all he offers. I missed accepting his love for all it was. I lost out. So it made sense for me to get over it. Repenting the best way I could by becoming his number one fan. His wife might want to argue that, but we know she’s wrong. I am David’s biggest fan.

I love David Dryden more for who he is than what he does. And when I say who he is, I mean the amazing fact that God in His goodness created him to be my brother. This is an incredible reality in which I hope to rejoice and celebrate until my final breath.

As we celebrate him getting another year older and as he and I share the same number in age for a few weeks I am happy to acknowledge I was jealous of my brother. Now I admire him, I cherish him, I respect him, I salute him, I honour him and pray that God will bless him even more in his whole life so others can experience what it is to have the pleasure of making his acquaintance.

I salute you, my dear brother.

For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
C. L. J. Dryden