He had been such a good friend.
I remember talking to him about almost anything. I enjoyed it because he used to make me laugh even if we were talking about something serious. I looked up to him as a big brother and really appreciated the time he took for me. There were times when I had issues and I couldn’t talk to anyone else about it, not even the nearest and dearest to me. Yet somehow I could always talk to him.
He may have had a comment and a perspective, but he wasn’t a close-minded person with no room for alternative views. He was generous that way. Whenever we argued he would hear my point of view carefully and then help me to see where my view might need correcting. He was good at catching my blind spots and weak points.
It’s fair to say over time we developed a really deep relationship. He is a good example of what it is to be a faithful friend. I knew he was still a human being and he had his flaws, I don’t want to paint the picture of Mr. Perfect because he wasn’t that. But as a friend and brother he was perfect for me. I loved him deeply and I know he loved me too. It was as if God said the best way to become like Jesus was to follow this guy as long as he followed Jesus and it would be a great witness to help me. And I really needed the help. I wasn’t all that confident in my faith – though others seemed to think so. I didn’t have all the answers and I certainly had my struggles. But with him I could be myself, I didn’t have expectations to live up to, even as he did challenge me to be more aware of who I believed in and what He says.
So when I was told he left it came as a shock. It was like a death in the family. I grieved like the loss of a brother, because it was. He had become closer than a brother and I found myself at a loss as to what I could do. There were moments I would stare at my phone remembering the time that I would just be able to send him a message and it was as though he was waiting for me and we would get into a conversation as ever. But now … Now I scrolled my contact list and saw his name and wanted to message him … but he wouldn’t be there. I did my thing of putting on a brave face. People asked how I was coping and I would give them the usual Christianese about trusting God and coping by grace and all that. Inside though I was empty and struggling.
It took one perceptive friend to cut through the rubbish and merely say that I wasn’t under any pressure to keep the brave face. Even as I didn’t want to talk about it, he said, I could always be honest and open to God. While he gave me the advice he also suggested that I remind myself of the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead.
I read the episode again and I got the point. First of all in Jesus I have a friend who sticks closer than any brother, so even after this guy had gone, there was still someone who was always waiting for me to message Him. Secondly, Jesus could relate to the loss of a loved one who was a like a brother, because in Lazarus that’s what had happened. He felt the sadness of Martha and Mary at the loss of a brother. Thirdly, Jesus was also there to point the fact that belief in Him was sufficient to understand that such loss was not a permanent state of affairs. He wouldn’t be gone forever. That’s because Jesus wanted Martha and Mary to know that He was the Resurrection and the Life – even when we fall asleep we shall not be gone forever. He sees the pain of the loss and He Himself defeated loss to bring us all back together again. He loves it when we get together again and to prove it He even brought back Lazarus to be reunited with loved ones.
When I read the hope of faith in the Resurrection and Life, it was the first time I was able to not be so sad at the fact that my friend was gone. It was as if Jesus was reassuring me that my friend maybe gone, but not forever. For even as Jesus is life, so all those who follow Him, believe in Him and trust Him – whatever their failings – they too are guaranteed life. That life means that the loss is temporary – it won’t be forever. One day we’ll all be together again – celebrating eternal life with the one who defeated death itself.
Sometimes I catch myself still thinking of my friend with a frown at missing him. I allow it for a moment. Then I do what he joked I should do and ‘turn that frown upside down’ at the glorious thought that it wouldn’t be forever.
In the meantime I endeavour to follow Jesus in being that friend to others where and when I can. To be that example however I can. Even when I slip and fall, I want people to see that the Resurrection and Life still gives life to me and restores me and gives hope for those who look on. I particularly want people to see the relationship with Jesus that gives me so much hope and joy. This way even as the relationships develop and the bonds get closer, we can still see that our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus and His righteousness.
So even when I am gone, they can be assured of the fact: It’s not forever.
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
C. L. J. Dryden
Life With CD 