Looking For Real Men

The Problem With Sin

Sin has a lot to answer for.

I was reminded today of the corrosive effect sin has on people.  Especially Christians.

The story was that a man wanted to be the man he should be in his relationship with his wife.  Unfortunately on one occasion he was unfaithful to his wife and had a one-night stand with his secretary.  Having confessed to his wife, it made relations strained to almost breaking point.  Whenever he sought to assert himself, she would always remind him of his indiscretion and he felt robbed of any authority.  He would cower, she would command.

A visiting Christian speaker, heard him share the tale, and he encouraged the man that what he really needed was an understanding of what it was to be forgiven of God.  For what had happened, was he had allowed himself to be crushed by guilt, never truly understanding what it was to confess, be forgiven and be cleansed of all unrighteousness.

The Answer To The Problem

As the man took on the counsel and discovered that in the light of Christ he was forgiven and free, he was able to be the loving and assertive figure in his marriage and in his home.  His wife was able to recognise her own unforgiveness was as much a problem as his indiscretion.  Healing took place slowly but surely as the man came to terms with who he was, and allowed the woman to come to terms with who she was.

Implicit in the story is the effect sin has on the human condition.  The level of guilt, its crippling ability to render men and women who should be enjoying the liberty of Christ to rather suffer in silence.

I was particularly thinking about this in the light of looking for real men.  I love Jesus – He is a real man.  I’m grateful for His example and am encouraged that I look to Him as the author and finisher of the faith.

Paul And My Search For Real Men

Of late, however, I’ve also been drawn by some strong statements Paul the apostle makes in scripture, like the one in Philippians 4:9.

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Paul makes an incredible claim.  To follow Jesus, see Him in the example I’ve set, in the life that I lived among you.  Not just in the holy huddles, but in all of life.  See it and follow it, and pattern your life after that in order to follow Jesus.

What experience has taught me thus far, is that few men can make such a strong statement.  Primarily because of sin.  Either that sin that expresses itself in the crippling nature of guilt and fear.  Or equally as destructive, the sin of pride, where such is their exalted opinion of self that they are blind to their failings, and critical of the flaws in others to a damaging degree.

Whatever the source, it leads to a frustrating experience of being surrounded by men who are many things, but real, authentic, genuine examples of Christ-likeness is not among them.

It’s frustrating for me looking on as I’ve struggled in the past with understanding what it is to be a man.  In my struggles I’ve looked to some and ended up being disappointed.  Not because men fail – I’ve learnt to accept that even as I fail.  The disappointment is either in the lack of recognition and repentance for it, or in allowing the failing to be dampener on the whole life.

This is not helped by a culture that often finds it difficult to truly believe in redemption, forgiveness and restoration.  It prefers to condemn and keep a track record of the failings as reasons to disqualify, rather than apply grace and sensitively seek God in the individual.

Where I Am In The Search – Reasons To Be Hopeful

I am convinced, and have witnessed, a few men who approach life with that semblance of a balance between an awareness of their failings with the resulting humility, but an equal awareness of their strong faith in Jesus who defines them and enables them to live for Him.  Though they have not been as bold as Paul, their lives have in essence said to me to follow their example and in doing so it doesn’t leave me dependent on them.  It leaves me consciously aware of who Jesus and how He can shape my life, if I give it to Him.

My next challenge, obviously, is to live in such a way that others looking to me can also see the same Jesus that transformed Paul and shaped the lives of those examples I see.  Thankfully in accepting that challenge I am forgiven for my failings and can conquer every obstacle by faith in the One who overcame all obstacles for the joy that awaited Him.

As Jesus showed, when you live that life it attracts people.  As it does so others catch the glimpse, live the life and so attract others.  This lifestyle is a good and natural (in the spiritual sense) way in which discipleship can take place.

As that happens, the Saviour again proves to have the ultimate answer over sin.

For His Name’s Sake

Shalom

C. L. J. Dryden