I’m not what I want to be, but thank God I’m not what I used to be.
I have heard that line and variations of it for quite some time now. It can get so familiar that it loses its significance and can be somewhat cliche. Thankfully every now and then things happen to actually address it for what it says in a fresh way.
I was reading The Cross and the Switchblade. Someone had given me the book to borrow, and I was pleasantly surprised because it’s a book I’ve heard lots about, but never read. I reach the stage fairly early in the book where Wilkerson visits his Grandad and talks to him about the apparent doors God had opened to get access to the seven boys that caught his attention in the Life magazine article that drew him to New York. Yet for all those doors miraculously opened, it appeared that they had been shut emphatically. Among other things Grandad had taught Wilkerson that the gospel was in essence about transformation.
Reading that arrested my thoughts. It was one of those moments where you read something and not allowed to move beyond that until the impact of that sentiment has been thoroughly processed.
There are the characters in the gospel narrative – God, Jesus Christ and humanity. God relates to humanity – His creation. They rebel against Him and have an ingrained rejection to His rightful position as ruler and creator of all. God sends His only begotten Son to outline the way and then pay the ultimate price so that right relationship can be restored between God and humanity.
You can argue if there’s more to the gospel than that. There probably is, but it sums up a significant chunk of the story.
Implicit in the story, however, from the perspective of humanity is two very distinct positions – embracing a relationship with God and rejecting God. Both scenarios come with their consequences. The latter brings the tragic circumstances that stamps all creation presently – namely decay and death. For all the enthusiasm of births and marriages, they appear to be the inevitable prelude to death. Life appears to be little other than the span of a feeble flower blown in the wind. In that fleeting period appears to be a myriad of misery and pain only slightly punctuated by moments of joy that make the inevitability of grief and death all the more despairing.
The former scenario – namely embracing the relationship with God – something for which we are not naturally inclined at present, though was innate in the make-up from the beginning – is very different. Sure there’s suffering and pain. There’s rejection and sometimes persecution. There’s misunderstanding and betrayal. Indeed at times it appears as though things were better off with the alternative. Yet at the core and slowly spreading throughout us is the everlasting truth – God is ours and we are God’s. That knowledge does not belong just to the head. This is something new. This is something rich. This is something deep. This is something that encompasses all existence. It is enlightening, it is life-enhancing, indeed life-eternal!
It is a wonderful change.
From the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of light. From death to life. From lukewarmness to love.
And therein lies that arresting convicting question at any stage of the journey of following Jesus. Exactly what has changed? Exactly what is changing?
Sometimes it is almost as though what has happened is that we’ve swapped one routine of mediocrity for another. Rather than wasting time getting drunk on the weekend with mates, now we get bored with brothers and sisters in the church going through the same rig-marole. Has there been a change? Has that change really gone to the core of our being and changed perspectives? Is it still changing us from day to day, week to week, month to month and year to year?
Or is it more a case of finding it hard to see what change has taken place from one year to the next? Are the changes merely superficial fluff while at heart we are still disobedient and rebellious to the Kingdom Rule that is ushered in with the wonderful change?
What I am particularly challenged and convicted about is that this is not just an individual question. For a while I’ve been that way inclined to see things from that perspective. How am I doing? How have I changed? How am I changing? Where do I need to change? And there’s nothing wrong with those questions as such. It is just that being a part of the Body of Christ means I’m not longer just concerned about my progress.
A very good real life analogy t that is the relationship I have with my blood-siblings. They have their own families to look after and the responsibilities that come with that. Yet every so often my brother or sister will check up on me. See how I’m doing. See if I need help. appreciate that their own well-being is still inextricably tied up with my own, and if some reason I am not in good spirits, they feel it for me and want to do what they can to help – sacrificially so on many occasions. They are eager to know I am making progress and living in line with God’s will.
I’d like to think the sentiment is mutual.
The point being, that level of concern to see ongoing transformation on an individual, faith-community and life-community level should be more pervasive than is the case if I’ve just got me blinkers focussed on me own spiritual development.
That way I get to enjoy not just telling you stories of how I’m not what I want to be, but I’m not what I used to be, I can also share stories about how we are not what we want to be, but we certainly are not what we used to be. All because we’ve been changed. Changed by the glorious story of the gospel. Changed and ever changing to become and behold the goal of our faith – Jesus Christ, Himself.
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
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