I’m sure your conscience is better than mine.
Back in the day I did some things that would have been classed as ‘naughty’ but were really ‘bad’. I would be rumbled and then proceed to cry a river in apparent sorrow and plead for the mercy of the power that be. With the pleading was an earnest pledge never to be caught conducting the activity that brought about this disciplinary action.
Of course, I wasn’t really sorry for the wrong I did. There are two ways of knowing just how light and superficial my sorrow was. Firstly once the disciplinary action took place it wouldn’t take too long for me to up to mischief again in the very same field that got me rumbled in the first place. Secondly I was a lot more sorry for getting rumbled and what it would cost me – I didn’t want to endure that, so I wanted to say what would be necessary to avoid or have lessened the punishment.
Indeed, as I grew older, there was a real element in me that said I would continue to do the mischief as long as I could get away with it. So developed a more sophisticated approach to ‘crime and punishment’. I wasn’t too bothered about rehabilitation, because I wasn’t really sorry for the wrong that I did, I was more sorry for the bad stuff that happened to me as a result of getting rumbled.
This carried on for quite some time. Indeed it was still my mentality when I became a Christian. What happened when I became a Christian was that there was a surface acknowledgement of sin and a realisation that this wasn’t really on with God, and so if I said sorry, He would forgive me and everyone would be okily-dokily.
I am grateful to God for His incredible grace and patience towards mugs like meself. It took some very hard lessons in life especially in my marriage to realise the difference between godly sorrow and earthly sorrow. It took me those very hard lessons (and I am still learning) to understand what it is to grieve no because your pride has been dented, or your reputation has been tarnished, but to actually grieve because you’ve hurt that which you value higher than anything else.
The deal of sin is that it is an offence against God. It is a rejection of God. It is a snub against God. Sin says no to God.
The deal of godly sorrow takes ownership of the wrong you’ve done and exposes it for the horror that it is in the light of the holiness of God. When exposed in that light, there’s no place to go. There’s no room for being selfish and self-serving. There’s no room for excuses and rationalisations. If God is the chief goal of life, and Jesus Christ really is the centre of existence, sin cannot be brushed under the carpet.
Thank God for His Spirit that not only convicts us of sin, but also turns us back to God with actions in accordance with repentance. Not only is there a sorrow for being caught and the consequences, there is a desire to turn from the wrong ways and receive the wisdom and healing that allows us to enjoy again the shalom of God.
I find in my relationship with my wife, that any other kind of sorrow doesn’t produce the result that leads to true reconciliation with her. Likewise it mirrors that sense of a lack of wholeness when any other sorrow is produced in my relationship with God.
Maybe I can never repay or mend the brokenness I’ve caused, but forgiveness and the renewal of the right spirit enables me to display a contrite, meek and humble attitude. And that is far more God-honouring and spiritually productive than the alternatives.
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
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