“I would never do a thing like that!”
I have said it before and God has brought me up on it. The best way He’s brought me up on it is to put me in a situation where I do the exact thing I said I would never do. I’m sure that’s not happened to you, cos you’re doing alright, maybe it’s my own experience.
In any case I mention this in the light of a conversation I had not so long ago.
My friend was talking with a bloke who we’ll call Bob. He was sharing how he and his wife had stayed together for over 25 years. They had three children together and the youngest was now well into university. As far as the children were concerned they felt their parents had a solid relationship, but in the last years as the children was growing older, Bob was growing more and more tired of the marriage. His wife still loved him and wanted things to work. He, however, felt things were going flat. Worse still, he was now having strong intimate feelings for another woman.
As Bob was telling this my friend’s heart sank. Bob went on to talk about how he walked out on his marriage and the devastating effect it had on the family. The children won’t speak to him. He still financially supports his ex-wife, but he now has set up his life with other woman and as much as possible he has sought to severe ties with his old life. Yet as much as he wants to cut all ties, the memories remain, and perhaps deep down so does the guilt that haunts him. His ex-wife still loves him, but he says he can’t go back, he won’t go back as he’s found the true love of his life.
Hearing the story my heart sank as well my friend’s. We went through some of the obvious questions – “How could he do that to his family?”, “How can true reconciliation ever take place between Bob and his children?” There is an underlying issue as well and one that would have in past times got me saying that silly phrase at the top. That issues is could something like that ever happen to me?
At this point, some Bible experts would at this point outline the 101 Biblical Principles to make sure my marriage would be divorce-proof. Now I appreciate the ministries of couples who seek to help married couples ensure their relationships don’t fail and I am in no way decrying the value of well meaning efforts to encourage people to remain faithful.
What is worth pointing out though is that for all the videos, DVD’s, books, seminars, workshops, etc. the divorce rate in the church isn’t that different to outside the church. I’m not even sure if that will change. Here is something even more contentious – I’m not sure if it should change. Hear me out (maybe “read me out” would work better, but you know what I’m writing). The church is made up of human beings at different stages in their walk with Christ and some of them have not even properly committed to the walk because they’re choked up with the deceitfulness of riches and the cares of this life. (That might sound familiar if you’ve come across a sower’s parable someone once said.) As that is the reality of Christian life then divorces will continue to be inevitable. And … wait for it … there will be some who have been divorced who will be the best people to help those who are married to stay married. One of the worst things to do is to make a pariah out of anyone who has divorced because it is only God’s grace that allows marriages to prosper in the first place.
Herein lies the essence of how I can never say ‘that could never happen to me’. God’s grace allows me to get married, God’s grace allows the marriage to produce three beautiful daughters, so surprise, surprise, it is only complete reliance on God’s grace that will sustain the marriage. Bad enough needing God’s grace to keep me going, but then I’ve got to trust Him to keep both me AND my wife going!!!
I believe God gives us wisdom for the present moment, to do right in the present moment. No point in worrying about what might happen in the future, because that is not in my hands. It is also foolish to allow past failings to pester the present. Far better to rejoice in the grace of God even in the tough circumstances of the now to express thanksgiving for the marriage. Whether you’ve been married for 25 years or 25 minutes – the threat of things changing always remains. That is based on the decisions we make in the now. And we make those ‘now’ decisions in the light of God’s grace.
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
dmcd
Life With CD 