I am often thinking and I am often writing. I am glad for the writing. It is often a channel to express myself in word that are not always easy to express verbally. Here is an example of how writing helps me.
I am tired, God. So very tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Exhausted and frail, vulnerable and weak. In this condition demands are still being made on my time and my energies. My soul wants to withdraw. Your spirit says I must go on. You say You will give strength, You will give words, You will give energy. You say You will give rest, You will give peace, You will give solace.
My heart almost gives out. My vision is blurred, the focus is not clear. Motivation is low with irritation high. You know I want to curse the world and all that’s in it. It becomes too much for me. I want to give in. You see my temper tantrum and my lashing out in private, my questions of Your promise and Your purpose, my very questioning of Your presence.
Yet You do not answer my questions and You make no new promises. You do not rush to reassure me with glib words of condolence. You watch. You wait. You witness. You remind me of grace. My heart crumbles. I wish I had answers, yet I am more content with Your presence. I cry myself to sleep, but the tears will dry when I wake and small smile will creep on my face at the sound of my baby’s laughter, at the voice of my wife. Your ways are not my ways, Your methods remain mysterious. Yet your Word remains true and Your presence is ever with me. Ever leading me to those precious still waters to restore my soul.
Help me, Lord. Please.
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
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