I don’t talk often. I talk at work – it’s what I’m paid to do and I do that to the best of my ability. I have banter with my colleagues and I’m texting quite often when the football is on. Yet for all that I really don’t talk often. By that I mean, I do not reveal the contents of my heart in conversation often. So when I do stuff like that, it can almost be like a tidal wave of stuff stored up over days, weeks and months.
My official line in telephone conversations with family members is to keep it short. I like conversation face to face and I find the phone a distraction. As well as that I genuinely won’t have that much to say over a phone other than the bog standard basic family updates. I tend to say my stuff either in writing or face to face over something to drink and a relaxed atmosphere.
So under those circumstances you can understand how it came as a shock to me to discover that I spent nearly an hour sharing on the phone with my mother. Now there maybe woman-specialists who would point out the ability for a woman to quite comfortably take up the majority of that time in their ‘talking’ but I can legitimately say, the hour was shared. I was a fair split of the conversation where she talked and I listened and I talked and she listened. I evidently had a lot to say, and she obviously was happy to cut down her usual input!
During the conversation something occurred to me about where I’m at in my spiritual journey and how my perspective on things have changed. Inevitably this came about as my Mum shared about her recent church service experience. As she spoke of her experience, I asked her a question that has begun to dominate my own perspective of what is important in church life – were you edified. Now I don’t mean that to be a straightforward consumerist type of question as though if church didn’t hit my sweet spot it wasn’t a good experience. I do however think it is reasonable as well as going into a time looking to encourage and build others up that you also experience some sort of building up through what takes place.
I’ve reached that point because I’m only too aware of how many church experiences can just be performances. Regimented, routine, run of the mill rituals that titillate our senses, but don’t actually deepen our devotion to God, His Son, His Spirit, His Word and His Mission. If anything they can be like political broadcasts given to followers – our party is great, our party is good, vote for us as you know you should – and that’s about it. No growth, no challenge, no direction, no depth, no width, no transformation. Yet it does tick the box of the ‘time spent with God and His people’ that we’re assured is meant to be something we do.
I won’t mess with you, I have an understanding of that rhythm and routine. I have been in the place where I’ve done the thing and did it because it was the thing to do rather than be caught up with greater issues like pursuing Jesus, looking to stir my brethren to good works, sharing the life of Christ together and having occasion to demonstrate and declare the Kingdom of God. Ever the inquisitive sort of person, though, there was something in the back of my head that asked me the question ‘why are you doing, what you are doing?’ I often pushed the question to the back of my mind as I thought it was just important to keep up appearances and the show must go on.
Yet that is perhaps the biggest deal about following Jesus – it is not about appearances, it is not about the show going on – it is all about real relationships. Relationships with God developed through relationships with each other in a manner that reflects the risen Christ and presenting before each other and the world what the Kingdom looks like. That’s not about pomp and ceremony, positions and crowds – that is about the hour coming and now is where worshippers do so in spirit and in truth as life, not as charade or performance or the sort.
So that one hour conversation with my Mum showed me how far I am from the person who just accepted the status quo and went with the flow. The thing it also showed was that in as much as I’m not that guy – though I’m grateful to God for Him – I’m also not the guy that I look to being. I’m not a part of the thriving community of grace who thrive not on numbers or external recognition, but on faithfulness and fruitfulness in the things of God. I’m not a produce of that. I’m not an investor in that. I’m not there … yet. It’s where I’m looking to be though and despite the harsh surroundings and experiences, I’m more encouraged to believe that the journey can be realised. I am more encouraged by little insights from friends online, and little incidents with people I know, and little issues that people may consider insignificant, but in the bigger scheme of things means the world to me.
Part of being a part of that community is seeing the man who is full up of stuff that’s been kept inside for days, weeks and months stop being like that because he is part of a people with whom he regularly shares and replaces his full up stuff, with the stuff God has for me through His people. Hey that may mean more one hour phone conversations … (or not, but hey that’s what prayer is for, right?)
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
dmcd
Life With CD 