Ho hum, the end of another month and indeed the end of the first quarter of the year. Thank God for that. It’s been a fascinating quarter moving from the cold of winter into the inklings of warmer climes and hibernation days over and real action beginning.
As you’ve noticed on the blog this month, I’ve not had that much opportunity to do extended blogging on life and issues, but obviously they continue and I’m pleased to take this chance to share on some things rumbling through me mind.
Among other things this month, I’ve been pondering the issue of family, love and gratitude. I am pleased to report at the present time of blogging I love my wife more than I have a recollection of loving her and I am particularly aware of gratitude to God for my wife and for the beautiful daughters we’ve been blessed to be responsible for.
Thinking on those issues I got to thinking about how much my family mean to me both in terms of the immediate household and that of the siblings and parents that allowed all this to be possible from those early days. Reflecting with a smile I noted many happy times for me with my wife, or my sister, or my brother. It was as I thought about my brother and especially on just what a good friend he has been for me that I stumbled across one of the biggest regrets of my life.
When I got married in 2003 I seriously considered David to be my best man. He is such a key figure in my life that it was a fitting place for him to take in being that role. Due to some other considerations wisdom declared that it would be best to have him as one of my groomsmen and I was and am very much honoured to know that Hughie, my mentor and friend, took on the best man duties.
I don’t think it was a case of returning the favour, but on his special day, my brother asked me to be his best man. It is here that the biggest regret kicks in because for a number of pressing factors not only was I unable to be his best man, I was even unable to turn up for what is arguably the happiest day in a man’s life (outside the day when the betrothed agreed to become the betrothed). Even now I recall the grief I felt at not being there for my brother. Not supporting him on that day and not being present to support just as he was there when he supported me not just on my wedding day but other happy and sad days since then.
My brother’s the kind of guy when it comes to relationships that mean most to overcome and overlook certain issues because the health of the relationship is more important, so he was more than understanding and took it in his stride, chose a far better best man than me (our dad) and got on with enjoying his day with his beautiful bride. Yet even now I look back on that decision not to go with a great deal of regret.
That regret used to bring about melancholy and feelings of guilt for quite some time after the wedding. What has helped me to get over it has been the support of my own wife, as well as the understanding nature of brother who simply says that this is life and it’s just important to get over it. The chief deal that helps me to live with big regrets like this is greater still.
Setbacks and regrets are stepping stones to help others avoid the pitfalls and it’s far more important to learn the underlying lessons behind such events – when they are available – and then through grace and love share them with others in the hope that they would learn from your mistakes rather than blunder into their own.
Here are the lessons I learnt from this regret. Family is crucial and no sacrifice is too much for family. Love in a family is not based on the payback system – it’s based on the commonality issue that simply says because we are family we are not obliged, but overjoyed to support each other. Family, as I’ve shared elsewhere, is not about blood relations and so those ties and issues apply equally to those family-type relationships as to the blood-family ones. Love can overlook issues and allow relationships to develop without the hindrance of the past blocking things.
It is still a regret for me, but it is not something that brings anything other than the resolve to treasure those familial relations all the more and be grateful for them and apply those learnt lessons so as to avoid those kind of regrets.
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
dmcd
Life With CD 