There’s this provocative blogger called Lionel Woods (he’s one of the dudes I recommend in the list on the right). I love his blogs because he does not tow the line, say the safe stuff and conform to comfortable conventional convenient Christianity. Obviously having a blog, he has a Facebook account where he leaves even more provocative perspectives and questions to get people thinking about how they engage with life issues.
He asked a question that perked up me ears (cos I say it out loud … in me head … so me ears can hear it … so there). The question was – is there such a thing as safe sex? (Hold on a minute … isn’t that this entry’s subject matter – how uncanny is that?)
No worries, this isn’t going to be a preachy preach type of stretched out blog. Just hoping to give the benefit of my perspective as I understand it at this time subject to change.
Sex, whilst acknowledged as a powerful element of the human experience and valued by most people, is incredibly commercialised and cheapened at least in the society in which I live.
During those difficult transitional years between childhood and adulthood it’s almost a rite of passage to have sexual intercourse at some point and if you hit your 20’s and haven’t had it yet, you’re considered in a polite way as peculiar. The view of ‘saving yourself until your married’ is almost archaic and antiquated.
So ditching that principle and then the growing understanding of sexually transmitted infections and the HIV/AIDS scare that happened in the 1980’s moved the argument away from the wisdom of sex outside marriage to how to prevent STI’s. Add to that a liberalising approach to abortion, the pill and all that jazz that developed from the 1960’s onwards and there’s almost a common consensus that suggests you can use sex however you want, just as long you are ‘safe’. (Not that different to the ‘drink responsibly’ notes they add to alcohol adverts and the health warnings on cigarette packets that obviously work a treat! Just watch those numbers of alcohol related incidents and health issues attached to nicotine addiction plummet!) By ‘safe’, the assumption is about your physical welfare, i.e. not contracting STI’s.
There’s pressure to conform to a view of the availability and desirability of sexual relations at the soonest available time from friends, media portrayals as well as the inner yearnings about what it is to be loved, accepted and valued. What these arguments will conveniently fail to address is the psychological and spiritual impact sexual activity has on the individual. Of course in a liberal society we dare not suggest that there is such a thing as a spiritual impact as if there is a God who designed it for a purpose. We must not impose that – that would infringe on people’s liberties.
Yet the reality remains that God did indeed come up with sex in the first place and the reason he put it in the context of a monogamous, committed (yeah I’ll stick my neck on the block again) heterosexual relationship was at least twofold. First was to avoid all the serious consequences from the impact of sexual activity outside marriage. It’s kind of normalised now and people are desensitised to it to an extent, but that makes sex all the cheaper especially when you do come across the one. That leads to the second reason for the marriage context of sex.
Sex is so rich and diverse and deep that anyone complaint that sex with the same person all the time must be boring really hasn’t got a grip on the issue at all. Sex flourishes in the context of a loving, committed, growing, mutually submissive, devoted relationship (which is why it doesn’t work in some marriages because those ingredients are missing). To detach it from the relational element is a scandal. You get to know more about your loved one as your relationship grows and hopefully the love deepens – that should have an effect on the quality and nature of sex you enjoy. To accept sex as a part of a relationship makes it all the more important that the relationship is the right ground to enjoy it. Not putting those in place makes sex very unsafe.
This perspective isn’t given from a bookish theoretical angle where I’ve just considered scripture and studied data and then came to the logical conclusion. This is a realisation (a growing one at that) which has been birthed in a lot of mistakes – ones that I’ve witnessed and ones that I’ve experienced. I wouldn’t want my daughters to grow to make those same mistakes because they can tarnish themselves to a huge degree and are only healed by the Great Physician – but why inflict that pain on yourself when you can avoid it by applying godly wisdom?
At the same time, there’s instruction and then there’s people choosing to follow or disregard that instruction. I’d just hope and actively work towards doing all I can to impress on my offspring and others how wonderful and valuable sex is and how to seek God’s view on it to value it for what it is in anticipation of enjoying it where it belongs. I’d hope they do that rather than get suckered into the false view of safe and hilariously ‘responsible’ sex that is promoted by society.
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
dmcd
Life With CD 