When I was at secondary school, I had a brilliant teacher who taught me both Music and English in the first and second years. Arguably more than any individual, she turned me onto the power of words especially in performance. Through her I developed an interest in drama, English writing and that kind of thing. She may not have originated my love of words, but she did more than anyone up until then to propel it.
The acting bug bit me and I was involved in school plays and the like all the way through to the Sixth Form. I coulda been a contender Charlie, as it were, when it came to the ol’ acting stakes. Me Mum was impressed and there was talk of me going to drama school or summat like that. Didn’t materialise, but I’ve loved acting and that kind of stuff. Although I can see how it got me in a spot of bother. Cos, you see, the acting bit allowed me to find masks to where in life more effectively than previously. As a result it was rather easy to have one-way relationships where it was about the ‘friend’ getting the benefits without any real insight on who I was and what I needed other than their company.
Sometimes when presenting something or offering something to someone I can slip into acting mode and shut off meself in the hope of not being vulnerable or appearing weak or anything like that. Not good that really, because it doesn’t produce as well as it would if I were more … genuine, open, transparent, less of the front and more of the substance even if there’s not much to that substance.
It’s no wonder, then, that I come across people who a lot of the time are somewhat hindered from ‘being themselves’ because of that almost rabid need to keep themselves protected from hurt or the possibility of being regarded as vulnerable or in need. Very sad really, because as I learn and keep learning, it is only when the barriers are down and the need to be so protective that real benefits occur, especially in relationship to God. That process, though, is long and painful, but ultimately beneficial and a lot better than the first state.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love acting and I think a lot of what I got from it helped me in confidence and generally presenting myself and the things I have to share. Yet my relationship with Jesus doesn’t allow for falsehood on my part and the trouble with acting if you get too immersed is that it’s a play in falsehood never engaging with and embracing and challenging who you really are.
So my continued hope as I go on this journey is to ensure that the presentation is authentic with whatever is produced having the same quality.
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
dmcd
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