Skeletons in the Closet

Skeletons in the closet.

What a wonderful phrase and a concept that says so much about our tendency to not be completely transparent about who we are.  It doesn’t have to be anything major, but it’s enough for us to store it away in the hope that no one will ever choose to investigate that part of our lives.  It comes into play particularly when we consider very close relationships.  You trust, you want to trust, you want to be able to share anything, but there’s the concern.  There’s that nagging thought in the back of the mind, if I were to share this, what would they think of me.  What I think of me is already pretty low because of that incident and that might put someone off me.

So, to avoid upset and disappointment, one of two paths is chosen. Path One – don’t get too involved, saving heartache all round.  Path Two – don’t tell anyone in the hope of …errr … saving heartache all round.  Now imagine the effort you put in to protect that part of yourself.  Imagine what would happen if you didn’t need to do that, if it didn’t matter what you’d done,  you would be accepted and loved regardless.  In fact such is the nature of that love, we’re able to have a right relationship with ourselves that puts the past in perspective.  We are no longer bound by those issues of the past.  They no longer cause us to hide or stop ourselves from being open with people.

The question about that level of freedom and transparency was crossing my mind whilst watching an episode of Dallas.  Now I know that a lot of the relationships on there are as fictional as the characters, yet there’s something in their murky pasts and desperate searches for lasting secure relationships that do ring true.  When it comes to real relationships, how transparent are we willing to be?  The risks are tremendous because not everyone is mature and capable to take on board some of those issues.  Some will use anything against us, like those skeletons.  So we can use these reasons, justifications, or excuses.

The liberty offered by Jesus Christ – which is one that’s very real for me – means I don’t have to live with the skeletons in my closet.  I relate this especially to the marriage issue, because I don’t think it becomes more intense than in that most intimate of relationships.  There are a lot of things that I’m not proud of.  There are plenty of things that I’ve done that I am ashamed of.  There is plenty of opportunity to leave it be and not bring it up for fear of the displeasure of or rejection from my wife.  The deal about the relationship, though, is that if Jesus has said I am now not under condemnation for that, then even if the wife doesn’t accept me, it’s not my problem if she chooses not to agree with God’s assessment of me.  Also if my wife gets along with Jesus, then slowly but surely she can get accustomed to His perspective on me.

(By the way that’s talk in the hypothetical, the beautiful thing about my beloved is that I live free from skeletons in the closet, because of our very open relationship and the primacy of Christ in all things, including our relationship.)

I’m not advocating an open policy where we have to share everything about everything – this isn’t the Jerry Springer show (dear Lord, thank you).  I am promoting a community life where skeletons in the closet would be unnecessary and the pain and hurt that often follows the revelations of those who choose to have secret lives would not have to be endured.  Of course, that requires a great deal of bravery and trust in the love of God that covers all sins, being a reality in our church lives.  That can be a reality, though.

For His Name’s Sake

Shalom

dmcd