I was challenged not too long to explain the reasons for my position on the identity of Jesus Christ. The challenge was laid out as a matter of urgency because what was at stake was the crucial pivotal point of life – who is worthy of worship. There are perceptions that suggest only God is worthy of worship and anything else is unacceptable idolatry (not that there’s acceptable idolatry, you understand).
Part of my time in this wilderness has been about reconnecting with that essential truth of who is to be worshipped. Is Jesus to be worshipped? Is Jesus God? If Jesus is God, who is God? How can God the Father and Jesus as God be and maintain that oneness that the Old Scriptures appear to suggest?
The larger scale ramifications of the answer to this question has I believe put me somewhat at odds with the tradition from which I was birthed. The extent to which I’ve felt like a misfit has been somewhat social, somewhat personal, but more profoundly something spiritual as well. As if there was something missing from the package. It may not even be about the people, or the institutional nature, the tradition, the culture or anything – it could just be the draw of someone to something that can help me make sense of everything.
When I say make sense, I don’t mean explanation, justification or rationalisation, I do mean the peace that paints everything in such a way that you admire the painting and can look forward to the next project, rather than get picky with the work. I reckon I’ve been picky. I reckon I’ve been picky, when being picky wasn’t the call. The call was to move on. So in moving on and getting to this place there has to be a lot of soul-searching and understanding things in this new light and having my focus set on the major questions, the important ones that affect how I live my life. One thing I’m still learning about the past is that it’s done. There are no repeats as such – yeah we’re bound to repeat mistakes if we don’t learn, but it’s not even the same thing when we look at it closely.
This time has been very important because sometimes home truths are seen when you’re away from home and I have to confess I’ve been hurt. You don’t feel hurt, unless you’ve been hurt, because the sensation can be real even if the actuality is different – hurt works on different levels. So the someone having their finger pricked might not experience hurt, whereas someone who has been told they stink even if they don’t might express hurt. So in that sense, the reality is that I’ve been hurt. Some of it might have been self-inflicted, although to a large extent I know that has not been the case in the situation.
As ever with hurt the question is what to do with it, how to move beyond the hurt to the place of healing where the amazing balm of Christ soothes things. How can I allow Jesus to ensure my heart remains right with people and the loving relationship that is the hallmark of the longsuffering believers remains one of the distinctive traits of the Body of Christ? That doesn’t happen by self-willed do right mentality. That happens through understanding and applying more of Jesus in my life – focus on Him, remember that I’m in Him and His life should be written in my DNA – I’m dead, apparently and He lives in me.
As He does that work among other things, my senses becomes enthralled again with the revelation of Jesus Christ in the midst of it all. As He does that my love for Him becomes all the more stirred up and the vision of Him in scripture is alive. He’s no longer print He is living and living in me and the price of His sacrifice and the glory that awaited Him is real. The idea is real of seeing that day arrive when people from all walks of life are dramatically transformed by His Spirit living in them and choosing to live together in expression of Him. The concept of living in community with others who are made right by Him unshackled by the past, by man-made traditions, by man-constructed institutions, by dead text, by the expectations of others and working out Christ together is not just a concept, but life’s mission.
This becomes ever more the case in realising that what’s at stake is everything that I hold dear, because my profession and declaration remains more true today than it’s ever done. I believe in Jesus. I believe He is the Son of God. I believe in the beginning He was with God and was God. I believe in Him I become a new creation live a new life in communion with others for the glory of the Father. Without that – without Him all life is meaningless.
Expressing that in cogent thoroughly versed logically argumentative structure isn’t where I’m at presently. That might not be pleasing to those looking for that and perhaps that may just have to be the way it is for this season, but be in no doubt the ongoing quest of knowing Jesus is with the desire that it changes my life so that it in itself is evidenced for others to consider and let that answer their questions. Yes that is about studies, conversations and the like. It’s that … and it’s a lot more. Whether that convinces people is not my primary concern, what is of more importance is that simple life declaration of what matters to me above all else.
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
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