Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)
This particular chapter in Proverbs is lauded for what has been known as the portrait of the virtuous woman, but really it’s about the virtuous wife and the difference is crucial. With this portrait we are not only watching a celebration of a brilliant woman, but we are seeing a celebration of the brilliant institution of marriage at its best.
I find some of the reasons why people get married fairly odd, and it’s also clear that in considering the challenges of marriage both men and women fail to consider the cost in terms of character and where investment now goes. Beforehand it was easy to channel energies into self and a lot of marriage advice is still based on looking to get the best for the self. Whereas the hallmarks of a great wife is a character that has applied all the lessons of wisdom that have dominated the last 30 chapters.
Here is a woman who like Lady Wisdom knows only too well that all things start with the foundation of the fear of the Lord. It is from this basis that rather than being a lazy glam wife looking to stay pretty on the husband’s expense, this woman is hard-working, industrious, creative, diligent wife who is very much aware of her responsibilities above her rights.
It’s one thing to read about what this wife dedicated to her husband, this wife sold-out to ensuring her gifts are used to the best of her ability for the glory of the God she serves. It’s another thing to see it in action and marvel at what these women go through to remain faithful to their call.
It has been a huge privilege to witness a number of these women at close quarters. Not always appreciating the sacrifices they made, or what they gave up to allow things to continue as they did, but on reflection I certainly applauded the way they lived out the qualities expressed in this proverb. The most obvious who springs to mind is my mother. I realise that I take stable households for granted. A woman devoted to her husband and her children, willing to go to great lengths to ensure that things kep going and at no time was there ever any indication that we were lacking or in dire straits. I subsequently discovered things were tight on more than a few occasions, but the ingenuity and tenacity of my mother ensured there was always food on the table, we were able to make it school and we never went without.
I’m sure one of the reasons for the contentment I saw in my Dad was that he knew no matter where he went and what he had to do he would come home to things running as usual. I’m not painting a picture of the perfect marriage and as with any two people there were always issues, but even there, they were able to resolve them discreetly and although Mum was outspoken she matured over the years to be able to get a better idea when to express her opinion and when to save it. Her example heavily influenced my idea of what a good woman, a good wife and a good mother were all about. That’s because of that fear of God that drove everything she did, even in the hardest times. Sure she had faults, but the Proverbs is not talking about flawless people, but the more you know God, the purer you get and I continue to see that level of industry, self-improvement, creativity and commitment to godliness in my mother.
I also got to knock around with a particularly special lady who showed unstinting devotion to her husband during some really trying times and was undoubtedly an incredibly talented lady able to turn her hand to fashion, catering and general service at any time. All of these she used for ministry and showed time and again that when you commit your life to the Lord He will even make your enemies at peace with you. Such a remarkable woman continues to leave a legacy with those who come after her in terms of devotion, commitment and faithfulness.
Finally, I must concede through no brilliance of my own, I find myself married to a woman well on the way to perfecting those qualities that we find in this chapter. She is already an incredibly committed woman and has endured things that lesser women would have struggled to deal with. My wife likewise is dedicated to her family completely and is blessed with the sort of all or nothing spirit that means that when she’s invested in someone, she’ll give it her all, and the beneficiaries are not just her family, but those who are in her circle of influence. Yet I know the best is yet to come and although she has to continue enduring with the husband she’s been given, her patience will bear good fruit in the daughters she raises and her son that is committed to her 100% because he knows she is committed to him with all her heart.
The foundation of it all remains that same nugget of any success in any life, that initial recognition of God for who He is and allowing His wisdom to be the quest for life.
For His Name’s Sake
Shalom
dmcd
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